When it comes to things I love more dearly than life itself, the number one spot will always be held by movies. Number two is undoubtedly buffalo wings and number three would be David Lynch's hair (would that be more appropriate under the 'movie' category?). Those two I mentioned aren't important right now, though, and I only mentioned them to show how high movies rank compared to everything else. All the emotions I know now were given to me through movies. My upbringing was modest, typical, and somewhat boring. I never went outside because I live in a half-ghetto where gunshots can be heard on certain nights and Asian brothels are a dime a dozen. I went to fluffy, white bread Catholic schools. All the TV show drama of high school seemed to be exclusive to public school the same way all half-decent computer games are exclusive to the Windows operating system. I was stuck with a Mac; it was nice and shiny and good for show when it came to college application time, but the best thing I got as far as excitement goes was an old, crusty port of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. And don't even get me started on the controls for that thing. Atrocious. But I digress.
It took a while for me to make friends. Hell, it still takes me a while to meet new people. That's something I am definitely still working on. In middle school, I had about three friends. When high school came around, I stopped talking to them. Communication just halted for some reason. In high school, I only had conversations with a handful of people and of that handful only two or three became close. College is coming around, though, and I'm not really the best when it comes to keeping in touch. But again, I digress. With no friends, no outside environment to escape to when I got insufferable feelings of cabin fever, and no discernible skill in any athletic endeavor, I turned to my TV and a handful of DVD's in the basement. Eureka. I wouldn't watch a movie as much as sank into it. I let that motherfucker rise and engulf me. Whenever a strong character felt an emotion, so did I. Whenever a monumental task was achieved or a goal was accomplished, I was elated. I received euphoria vicariously through fictional characters.
I've never been in a real-life situation as exciting or as pulse-increasing or as emotionally powerful as a great fucking movie. The only one that comes close is this one time me and three friends discussed etiquette in the drug world as we sat waiting for some weed in an upscale neighborhood. The dialogue flowed naturally and, in that moment, I felt as if I was a likeable character. Subconsciously I guess I really want to be a character you can root for. I want to have problems only to overcome them. I want to see things in a different way to make myself different. In a way, though, my awareness of this desire deflates it. My life could end up ending abruptly with no closure. All of the flaws and development I so delicately built since birth would be wasted as the television show of my life is cancelled. To me, a character or an individual's emotion and drive lies in their insecurities. If everything's perfect, what is there to work for? If someone has it all, what could they gain from any sort of attention or journey? More shit? More confidence? I'm a very introverted person by nature. Wait, not by nature. I'm an introverted person because the world made me. When I was young, certain circumstances led me down the path to shy and reserved as opposed to loud and crass and confident. That's my challenge to overcome. That's my hurdle to jump. I was given a load and, by God, it's my responsibility when it comes to throwing it off my back. I understand this, I just haven't done it yet.
I think I'm attracted to stylistic movies because of the monotony of my home and, let's face it, love life. There's always need for something exciting. I'm not going to make it a secret that I love (certain) Guy Ritchie movies and Frank Miller's goofy-as-fuck 'The Spirit'. Sometimes I need camp in my film diet. I love flashy yet, at the same time, raw movies by Cassavetes and Leigh always fill me up with such warmth and emotion even if the subject is coarse and sinking. I'm sad to say this, but the popular idea of 'art' is seperated into low and high. No matter my stance on the matter, it's true. I don't see one movie as 'higher' than another even though the popular opinion to putting Akira Kurosawa and Trey Parker on the same pedestal is, "The fuck?!" I think that's the reason I started this essay. I started it to show my displeasure towards art segregation even though I am aware of its grasp on the mainstream mindset. It's like capitalism. We all know it's a bitch, but what can you do? Try going a month without buying anything from anyone and tell me how that works out for you*. I profess myself as a 'low culture expert' to sort of mock this general notion of artistic hierarchy. I'm not putting myself on this pedestal, though. "Oh, look at me and my views." Y'know what? That's why I don't like talking about my views and ideas. I always feel self-absorbed and narcissistic. That's why I almost never say what I do on Twitter, just things I see and feel. It takes the importance off of who I am and places it on things around me. Get it?
I recently saw the Mark Duplass (Man Crush #4) and Jay Duplass film 'The Puffy Chair'. I'm probably going to write a review of it soon, but I saw this movie and it reminded me of a heated internet argument between a die-hard Ray Carney-phile and a casual filmgoer. The latter hated this movie and the entire mumblecore movement while the former damned the latter for liking Quentin Tarantino and not seeing the brilliance in the uncut and raw scenes of pure human condition drama. My question is, why are the two mutually exclusive?
Why can't I love both camp and class? Style and stripped? Cassavetes and Tarantino?
*This is based off of my minimal, amateurish knowledge of capitalism and communism. I'm working on two books I have by Marx and Zizek, so cut me some slack.
